Is photography calling my name again? Also…. Who am I kidding that “being an artist” only happened this year?
Last night I watched Bridesmaids with Isla - what a joy to introduce her to this classic!
I found myself hard relating with Annie - Kirsten Wiig - as a woman who’s slightly adrift and feeling left behind by life. She had a bakery but had to close it, and now finds herself unable to bake and full of self loathing, pity and feeling like a total failure. I’m pretty sure that isn’t the main part of the film that others relate to, but for me it reminded me of my photography studio and the years that followed.
For 7 years I ran my own photography studio (can’t believe that’s all it was, feels like it was way longer) I started when Isla was 6 months old, and by the time she was 2, I had my first space, a small room in a shared building. A year later I moved into a three storey building in a local town and went on to upgrade that space over the years and really develop my style, skills and business.
I had staff and I was doing well for myself financially.
The major part of my 30’s was spent this way. Money and freedom to be able to holiday, provide, enjoy my life with Isla. Starting my personal development journey and working on things like money blocks, the inner workings of my psyche and starting to build a relationship with my guides and spirit team.
It was hard work but the Manifesting Generator in me (Human Design if you don’t know it, check yours out) loved it and thrived on the experience and variety that it bought.
Until one day it started to feel a bit much.
I had two more part time members of staff to pay, I was using credit cards to get my own essentials covered. I wasn’t managing my money very well (that’s something I’ve really noticed is affected by my late awareness of undiagnosed ADHD) and all in all I started to lose the love for family studio photography. The feeling of “been there, done that”.
In 2019 I had to make the decision- or should I say the decision was made for me as I couldn’t pay myself or my staff and keep going like that any more - to close the studio, say goodbye to the staff and try and make it work without so many overheads.
But what happened when I finally stopped pushing myself was 100% burn out. I stopped and my nervous system went AHHHHH! I was physically ill. Colds, tonsillitis, horrific reaction around my eyes and on my face.
I went into a deep depression, coupled with meeting a guy who turned out to be one hella douche bag (but of course had to go through the lessons 🫠🤣)
I lost my birth father to acute myeloid leukaemia just 5 weeks after he told me he was ill, then 4 months later my nan passed away. Oh and then let’s not forget that 3 months after that…. The whole world went into a global pandemic that resulted in lock downs and all manner of craziness.
Soooooo …… All in all it was a lot! 😂
