Fate

I used to believe in fate. I thought that everything was planned out and that you didn’t have a choice in your own life. That whatever happened to you was a result of some big picture…. Good or bad! I still believe that to some degree, but now I also believe that we have a choice.  We have multiple paths and options, with many different outcomes that vary depending on your view of them. I have been through some shit in my life, most people have, but I am actually grateful for all that has happened to me as it has made me the woman I am today. There is no denying that there are certain situations you are ‘meant’ to be in. For example when I met a guy while driving on the motorway, and he ended up being my husband.  Don’t get me wrong we aren’t together now, but we were for 7 and a half years and it was good.  As a result from waving at a white van, my whole life changed.I gave up my home in Cheltenham and moved to Wales after only 3 months.When you know you know..... So I get that you could say fate had a huge part to play in this, and I did used to believe that completely. But my issue here lay 5 years ago when he left me…….  What?? My husband! We had a baby who wasn’t even one and a half! I was just getting to know who I was as a mother and I had just started a business, then my life just got ripped away.  How could this be when it was ‘fate’ that we met? My view now is that people come and go from our lives to teach us lessons. We can choose to ignore them but we will end up repeating these lessons again and again, time after time if we do. Fate will keep bringing to you what you believe. The shit storm about this, is that you may not even realise you believe the things that are happening to you.  Let me explain, if you feel defeated by a situation you’re in and you think you have been dealt a crappy card, fate will have given you that card, as on some deeper level you believe that’s what you deserve. If you are able to look within when these situations come up, and think about what the lesson could be, then you will open your world up to new and better possibilities.  Aka - Fate will be on your side. It’s not easy. It takes a lot of courage and strength to really get to know yourself, the good the bad and the ugly.  You open up wounds that would rather stay tightly closed. But in order to work with fate, you must believe you deserve the best life possible and you can only achieve this when you go with in. I have been working on myself for the last few years and it’s really clicked in the past six months. I still have lots of work to do, and I’m sure I always will, but for now I am open to all the learning possibilities around me, even the ones that hurt. As in the past I met someone in ‘real life’ in such a bizarre and unlikely way, I really struggled when I recently met someone also seemingly by chance. It could have felt like fate had again put me in a situation to meet someone special. Someone that ignites something inside me and someone that for whatever reason, I felt connected with. However I have to look inside and see what this chance meeting has brought up for me.  It may not have been a meeting that will end in a relationship and everything else that I had last time, but it may be a meeting that means I can address these feelings and heal them. Its brought up a lot of stuff from my past. I have questioned how I can feel this way after such a short time, and I have wondered why it felt like before, but it can’t be a thing.Why would fate send me this person if it’s not who I am meant to be with after a long time dreaming and hoping to find someone? They sent him so I could remember that I am able to feel. I will feel butterflies again. I will get that fluttery feeling in my heart when someone looks me in the eyes. I will find love again. I went for a long long time wondering if I would ever find those things….. this proves that I will, even if it was only for a short time. A short time means I know its not gone and it will come back again one day, likely when I least expect it. So I say thank you fate. Thank you for a new friend, a new experience, a new lesson learnt, a new soul connection even if its one sided.I know now that my heart is open and I believe fate will be kind to me from now on as everything does happen for a reason, I'll just look inside and find out why.