Deep Dive December
Just like that… 2024 is over. Another year whizzed by. Another year older, a new decade started for me actually. 40 wow! Another year ‘ticked off’. Life seems to go by so fast and for me this last month has seemed to be over in a blink.
Now I know this time of year is usually all about excitement, fresh starts and new beginnings, but I want to have some real talk for a minute first.
We are in winter! The depths of winter as it happens. If we look at Nature we can see that she isn’t rushing about ready to start a “New Year, New Me” diet or gruelling exercise regime.
We are still in the dark months and with that comes a time of slowing down and going inwards. Not a time to beat yourself up and leave all of yourself behind to become something new and shiny. Because there isn’t anything wrong with you right now!
One of the things that has really hit me over the last month has been this deep, DEEP, grief for a part of me that believes she is ‘not good enough’ and that everything is her ‘fault’.
At the beginning of December I found myself overcome with emotions and I spent a day crying, grieving, feeling and journaling, and came up with some pretty big subconscious beliefs. The next day, I found that the emotional pain I had felt around my chest, had churned up so much to be released, I actually ended up with a rather nasty chest infection complete with fever, full body aches, sore throat and leading to antibiotics and two weeks feeling like death - Not what you want just before Christmas!
This physical representation and manifestation of the emotions I had been working through was REALLY tough. I haven't been able to show up on socials, I haven't been able to speak to friends and family. I have struggled doing basic activities like eating and showering. If truth be told I was completely and utterly depressed.
What I found myself reflecting on the other day was that they say when you are ‘depressed’ you need “Deep Rest”.
This need for rest was so prevalent during this illness, and yet the physical needs like bills to pay, Christmas to sort, places to go, food to buy etc etc, meant that I really struggled to see how I could rest. I mean, I did, as I didn't have a choice, but it truly didn't come easy to me and the pressure of the time of year was almost too much to bear.
The reason I am sharing all of this is because for one, I actually feel like I can see the light at the end of the very long dark tunnel today, and for two, I know that I am not the only person who found this time of year challenging.
Now I must confess, I usually LOVE the feeling of a New Year, much like a Sunday night when you're getting ready to start a fresh week. Or when you’re looking at a new diary and getting excited about all the possibilities that lay ahead and how “this year is the year”, but this December has made me a little bitter and twisty, and I’m still not completely out of the dark and able to find that full throttle optimism. But I think that's a good thing… It’s helping me slow down. Take stock and take a breath.
So with that being said, my intentions and new beliefs for 2025 are as follows:
To be kind to myself.
To slow down and be grateful for where I am at, in every moment.
To listen to my body and rest when I need to rest.
To allow myself to dream and get excited, and know that if I get disappointed, that’s ok and all part of the lessons and learning to trust and surrender.
I don’t have to struggle alone. I have amazing friends and family, and a spiritual team that wants to see me succeed.
I am NOT alone.
I get to change and reinvent myself as many times as I like, as change is the only constant.
I get to live a life of freedom and flow AND find stability and security to help me maintain solid foundations.
We live in an abundant Universe and I am always looked after and provided for.
I get to do what I love for a living and help people follow their own joy and bliss too!
I am more than enough and totally 100% good enough!
I am not in trouble and my inner child is completely safe to make “mistakes” as that's how we learn and grow.
What are your intentions and new beliefs? Take some time during these winter months and feel into what you want your new normal to be.
Another reason I sense that all this darkness and grief came up for me at the start of the month, was because I have some very big and exciting plans for what I want my life to look like and be. These visions and ideas have been trickling in since October time and for once in my life, I am slowly allowing it all to gather before jumping into action.
I have been getting to know myself on deeper and deeper levels and of course that means clearing out all the old stagnant stuff that doesn't serve me any more.
One of those things is the fear of change. Ironic I know since I LOVE freedom and growth and have a podcast called the “Inconsistency Club” which is all about how change is the only constant haha. But I actually have a lot of resistance to change too.
For me, changing things up can equate to failing, and as you know, being a ‘failure’ was the big bad in my subconscious!
I have ‘changed’ my business model 4 + times in the last 12 years and every time I have thought “This is it! This is the one. This is what I’m meant to be doing”. Then when the time comes for it to grow and evolve, and inevitably change, I am aware that each time I do this, I am subconsciously seeing it as a failure of the other dream and plan.
Instead of just being all out excited, I am actually running an inner dialog of shame and guilt for the other vision not to have “worked out”.
After this ‘Deep Dive December’, I am seeing these things clearly and can now see the truth of evolution and change and I am ready to share with you all the NEXT step in my self employed journey of service and purpose.
Goodbye Creative Rebellion, hello Freedom Rising.
“What comes after a rebellion? An uprising!
What was I fighting for? Freedom!
Welcome to ‘Freedom Rising’.
The next step of the Creative Rebellion.
Stop fighting, Start living!”
I won’t go into it all now as I sense this rebrand is a slow burner and I have already gone on so much, but I want you to know that I will be changing my socials, website and emails to match this new business model and brand over the next few weeks and I am so excited.
It feels so clear and empowering, even more so that what I felt A Creative Rebellion was, which is wild to me!
So I look forward to sharing the full story and vision with you all soon.
For now, please know that you are not alone. This world is crazy, scary, deep and dark at times, but it’s also, magical, abundant, joyous and full of love. So no matter which side of the spectrum of light you're on right now, just know you are loved and you are here for a reason, even if you can’t see it right now.
Big love. Jen.
Here's to a 2025 filled with more self love, self empowerment and blessings.
Mwah xx
