Shame, the Passion killer!
Shame is a killer. It sits there eating away at you. Crippling you with its parasitic tendrils working their way into your thoughts.
Feeling shame stops you from expressing, from enjoying, from doing, from being happy with yourself.
It creeps in so subtly.
Recently I took myself on a guided meditation within and asked my body to show me where my shame was. I felt a flickering and a pull near my stomach. I allowed this feeling to grow then I asked where my passion was….
It turns out my passion is a very similar feeling, but deeper inside me. Like that fire in the pit of my belly. But it was attached to my shame. I could feel the cord linking them together. Almost like the shame was hiding the passion. It was covering it up, sitting in front of it and being the forefront feeling, the gatekeeper, the bouncer if you will.
I tried to access my passion and sink deeper into my body to be with it, but shame kept swirling in and pulling me back out, not allowing me to dive into my depths and connect to the fiery essence of my passion and power.
For me passion is expression, it’s creation, it’s bringing visions to life, it’s the drive to go and do things and see things into fruition, it’s the part of me that is confident (and even sexy - shame is kicking off as I write that one!), my passion knows that I am full of vital life force energy, and that it can be poured out into everything I do, driving me forward in all areas.
Passion is actually my word for 2023 and although we are half way through the year, this is only coming to me now.
In January I started a meditation group to call in what we desired for the coming year, this is the centre of my 2023 board.
I created myself a little reminder to leave on my desk too. For the last 6 months this explosion of colour and gold has been winking at me.
I have lived a life of passion up to this point but it wasn’t a burning passion. It wasn’t the passion ignited by a hot steamy summer night. It wasn’t the passion that saw me feverishly working away in a flurry of activity, where nothing could stop my desires being birthed into this world.
It’s been a slow passion, a slow burn, a sensual tease. Little sparks dripping in, one by one stoking the fires 🔥
The reason this has been so slow to start is because I had to gently, lovingly, feel and communicate with my shame. I had to make sure it knew I was safe. That it knows it’s ok to live such a magical powerful and expressive life. I had to feel it all, and this had to be done incrementally.
It’s painful, uncomfortable and icky, feeling the shame, but in the long run the feelings of repressing my fire, passion and power are way worse.
Today it’s like a switch has gone off. I sat and felt shame, then quickly, so quickly, I was able to smile, send love and say no! No more. I am not feeling this any more. I am going to let those fires and expression run free (as they are here) and I am going to sit in that feeling 🔥 I’m going to use the flames to burn the shame to the ground, so that from the ashes my deepest desires, creations and expressions can become manifest.
Do you talk to your body? Do you sit in silence and allow it to speak to you? Do you allow it space to feel what it needs to feel, the “good” and the “bad”? (Ps. No such thing as good or bad, just feelings and our judgments)
This is my invitation to you, sit with your hands on your heart, close your eyes, take a few deep breaths and listen. Just listen to the voices trying to come in.
This is not the meditation practice to silence the voices, this is the practice to let them get LOUD.
Hear them and feel them. Allow them. Don’t judge, just observe. Ask questions.
What are you trying to tell me?
What are you keeping me safe from?
What do you want me to do?
Where do you feel repressed?
Where do you feel stuck?
Our bodies know the answers to all of these questions and so much more.
Let’s befriend our bodies, connect deeper than ever before and allow the parts of us trying to keep us safe to be heard, recognised and reassured, so that those sparks underneath, those fires of passion in our bellies (or wherever yours is in your body) can run free and wild and ignite more passion and creative expression from those around them.
I am no longer afraid or ashamed of my power. I will invite it into everything I do and I allow it to spark and activate others too.
Let’s live a life of full expression and creativity in ALL areas of our lives please.
Much love and fiery passion! Jen - The Creative Rebel!
